You Are Not As Bad As You Think You Are
A Body Image Lesson I Learnt During Birthday Shopping
Standing in that trial room, I could feel a few of the jigsaw pieces in my mind slip smoothly into their place.
I look at my face in the mirror and smile.
I thought to myself, I am not as bad as I think I am.
Let me jump back a couple of scenes and tell you what happened.
With my birthday approaching, my mother took me clothes shopping. We roamed around the women's section and picked up an armful of dresses we thought would look good on me.
Then off to the trial room I went.
Among the dresses was one blue top with bold white floral print. I loved that top quite a lot. It would go perfectly with my jeans. But when I tried it on, it was double my size. I checked the label, and it said it was in my size, but in reality, it wasn't.
My mother fetched me a size smaller of the same top and, surprisingly, that too was big for me.
At this point, my brain went gooey, wondering what was wrong with this top's measurement.
We went for the smallest size available and, believe it or not, it too was big for me.
That's when the salesgirl stepped in.
"Ma'am, this top is from the plus-size section."
Up until that moment, I thought I was a plus-size human.
I have struggled with my weight and body image for almost a decade and a half now.
The constant reminder to lose weight and dress dressier is a battle I fight almost daily.
Plus, the media is supportive too. Supportive to the fact that there's something wrong with me and they have the solution for it.
Constantly bombarded with ads and images of how a woman should look messed up my brain. I have been sent ads for plus size dresses as well. Thanks, algorithm!
Since I was never the right weight or figure, I believed I was indeed plus size.
But when I actually wore a plus size dress, I realised I was too small for the smallest plus size dress.
We all have some belief about ourselves which was fed to us by our family, friends or the media.
And it always makes us believe that we are less than whatever standard they put us against.
This makes us believe that we are not beautiful enough, not small enough in the right places, not big enough in the right places, and, therefore, not lovable enough.
But now I have realised that that's not the case.
I am not as bad as I think I am.
Is there room for improvement? Of course.
But, right now, I am as good as I can get.
