We Are Actually Doing Our Best - For Ourselves And Our Writing.

Becoming A Writer

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We Are Actually Doing Our Best - For Ourselves And Our Writing.

Episode 24 of Becoming A Writer podcast.

Aug 16, 2024

Transcript

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Hello, my writer friends! Rubina here. For our twenty-fourth conversation, we are going to talk about realising that we are actually doing our best - for ourselves and our writing.

One of the situations I feel guilty about being a self-employed writer is that I cannot help my mother cook as much as is expected of me.

I help run errands, buy groceries, and do the dishes. I’d even do the chopping and preparing of the ingredients sometimes, but when it comes to cooking, I just can’t.

I am a young Indian woman. According to our society, I should have already been married and have at least one child by now. I would also be expected to have a regular job and take care of the house. And Indian cooking is not something you can throw into the microwave and heat up. Indian cooking is an art and a process in itself. It takes several hours to prepare a four-dish meal every day that would be eaten within 15 minutes.

And mind you, I love cooking. I don’t mind cooking. But I do mind spending precious hours of the morning in the kitchen that could have been used better for my writing. I have tried and I know that the days I spend the mornings in the kitchen, I am physically tired to sit and do any writing. The same goes for baking – I know the day I am baking, I am not writing.

So I don’t do the cooking, and it tears my conscience.

After years of feeling guilty about it, recently, I came to terms with it. I realised I am doing as much as possible – for my writing and the household. Most of the time, I give all my attention and time to only these two and end up with nothing left for myself. I simply can’t stretch myself any thinner. I have to accept that in this phase of my life, I will not and cannot be the chef of our home’s kitchen.

I realised that I am blessed with a mother who, even though a senior citizen now, is healthy for her age and loves feeding her children. Of course, we will provide as much help as possible, but after a point, she is the sole-owner of the kitchen.

The moment I realised this, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. Instead of feeling guilty and coming from a negative mindset, I can find ways to make it easier for my mother to cook, even when I am not in the kitchen. And I make space during the weekends to be in the kitchen with her and cook something special.

Being a creative person in our regular world is a challenging task.

We have been conditioned since birth that the world functions in a particular way, and we are one of the cogs in this big machinery. So, things will be rough when you decide to take a different route. It becomes difficult to wake up an hour early to work on your novel before heading to work. It becomes difficult to make your partner realise why you need them to take care of the children for an hour so that you can spend time alone. It becomes difficult to make your family understand that you are not to be disturbed when you are in the creative zone. We must accept that it is difficult to manage life as a member of society and work on your dream life as a writer.

And when life comes in between us and our writing, we think something is wrong with us. We believe that what we are doing is a waste of time. Nothing is wrong with us, and it is not a waste of time. We just haven’t figured out a way to tackle our situation.

Sometimes, you will feel like you're being pulled in a million directions but are moving nowhere, especially not in the direction you want to go. And that is when the negative self-talk comes rushing in.

"My life gets worse every day."

"It's a waste of time."

"I can't do it right."

"I'm not smart enough to write this book."

"I am not good enough."

"I'm such a failure."

"I wish I could just disappear."

"I'm not worth it."

"People won't like my novel."

"I am not talented enough."

"No one wants my opinion."

"What will they think of me?"

Such negative self-talk is not helpful to you, your writing or your life. It demotivates you so much that you can never recover from it.

You're human. You are part of Nature. That means your life will ebb and flow. Some days, you'll be grinding to the ground. Some days, you'll be flying high. And some days, you'll be too busy or tired to do anything.

Just because you're having a bad day or a bad writing session doesn't mean you're inadequate. That's just the flavour of that day. Tomorrow, try your best to make things different and in your favour.

And the first place to start is by talking to yourself in your favour.

"My life is getting better every day."

"Working on my novel is not a waste of time."

"I am learning how to do things right."

"I can always learning the craft of Writing."

"I am good enough."

"Today, I'll take a break. And tomorrow I'll have a blast."

"I am totally worth it."

"The right people will love my novel."

"Talent is good. Hard work is better."

"My words will attract the right people."

"My self-worth is not depended on what others think of me."

Also, be kind to yourself.

Remember when your parents would scold you to behave a certain way - like eating your vegetables, sitting correctly, or conversing with others. But scolding rarely worked. Instead, remember when your parents gently made you understand why they are asking you to do so. Chances are you understood their point and did the deed without much fuss.

The same works for writing as well.

When I act tough with my writer self, it goes into a shell and doesn't do any writing. That frustrates me more and makes me more serious and strict. But when I gently coax myself to have fun with my writing, I write better and more.

Intimidation only works up until a certain point. Afterwards, you get used to its shouting and screaming and turn numb. But when you are kind to yourself, things work out smoother and faster.

Being kind to your writer self means

being okay with how your writing went that day.
being okay with missing a day.
being okay with trying again.
being okay with not liking what you wrote and loving it anyway.
being okay with treating yourself on a good writing day.
bring okay with where you are on your writing journey while also moving in the direction you want to be in.

You are doing your best at the moment. It's okay to miss a day, to fail, to fall. Just don't stay in the sad pit longer than it's required. You need to be your own cheerleader. You need to support your writer soul. Therefore, give yourself a hug and get back to your writing.

Well, that's it for today. Next time we meet, we'll talk about once you accept you are a writer, you are one for life.

Until then, keep writing, my friend.