Waiting For Someone To Motivate You Is A Death Sentence.
Instead, Look For Motivation Inside You.
Author’s Note 1:
Subscribe to my Substack publication and I’ll send you a link to the PDF called A Writer’s Mental Toolbox To Enjoy Every Writing Session.
Author’s Note 2:
I am going on a break for the whole month of December and half of January. Will be back on January 18th 2023, Wednesday.
The bird is powered by its own life and by its motivation.
- A. P. J. Abdul Kalam
A friend of mine is desperately looking for a partner.
And as a caring friend and human observer, I asked a simple one-word question - Why?
My friend's reply? - "I need a partner to help me better my life and enjoy it."
I didn't point out to my friend that that was a not-so-helpful reason to look for a partner. I didn't point it out because they are so obsessed with their notion that anything counter, I'd say, would whoosh past their head.
But this interaction got me thinking.
If I had waited for someone to motivate me to write, I wouldn't have written a word. I am a writer born in a family of non-readers. My family supports my writing endeavour, but the only form of motivation they can give me is, "You can do it!" And let's be real here, that form of motivation is not helpful.
Instead, my dream and desire to become a writer got me started and has kept me going.
This is the difference between extrinsic and intrinsic motivation.
Extrinsic Motivation
This is the motivation you get from the outside - praise, recognition, pay, grades, and rewards.
This is what my friend is looking for - someone to tell them they are doing a good job, someone to laugh at their jokes, someone to be a perfect fit to their life and agree with what they are saying.
Though to some extent, extrinsic motivation can boost you - physically, emotionally, or socially - this form of motivation is not sustainable.
Why? Because people and life are fickle.
We want to believe that we are rational beings but actually emotional beings. We react and act according to our emotions. And emotions are fluid in nature.
Since our emotions are fluid, we are fluid. We keep changing and evolving. If we like something now, it doesn't mean we'll appreciate it for life.
So waiting for someone to motivate, inspire, validate, praise, and love you is a death sentence.
Intrinsic Motivation
This motivation gets you going from the inside - interest, curiosity, satisfaction, joy, meaning, autonomy, and passion.
My friend should look for this: bettering and enjoying their life through what makes them curious and brings them satisfaction and joy, without relying on others.
This form of motivation completes you as a human being. Then the extrinsic motivation and the people in your life are added bonuses.
If your intrinsic motivation is strong, it won't matter if people and life are fickle. You are sitting strong on your foundation, aligned with your ever-evolving vision. Success won't go over your head, and failure won't keep you beaten into the ground.
When you rely on extrinsic motivation, you are at a loss when it's not there. But when you rely on intrinsic motivation, you are constantly moving towards the life, success, and relationship you want.
