See Heartbreaks And Setbacks As A Way To Refine Your Writing Goals.
A kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.
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All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.
- Walt Disney
I have lost count of how many times I had to redo my creative plan in the last three years of actively pursuing my writing journey. I am currently in the process of one in preparation for 2025.
Every 3-4 months, I noticed that some aspect of my writing endeavour required cleaning and fine-tuning, which meant I had to go back to the drawing board. What I planned for the year and what actually happened don't usually end up being the same.
Up until recently, I thought I was doing it wrong. It frustrated me to not be able to stick to the plan I set out for myself. I believed I should have known what I was supposed to do from the start and never strayed from the path. Isn't that how goals and planning should work? Now I realise I was wrong.
Just like our phones get updated with new software and simultaneously bugs, and glitches are removed, so is required in our plans. The heartbreak and setbacks I felt because of replanning my work so often were actually a process of refining my way to my writing dreams.
When we want to achieve a goal, we usually think of it as a linear path of success - going from A to B straight across. It's only when you start walking on the path that you realise it's a meandering one.
You never go from starting to write the first word of your manuscript to the last. It's more like -
You start writing with full gusto. Then, you start falling into the monotony of the routine. You try to pick up the mood again. Then, an emergency will call for your attention, and time goes into dealing with and recovering from that. Physically, mentally, even emotionally drained, you find your way back to your manuscript only to realise that what you wrote feels rubbish. Now, you are in the conundrum of whether to continue or start again. This drains you even further therefore reducing the chances of making an informed and clear decision. Suddenly you noticed the deadline you created for yourself approaching faster than it should have been. You redo your plan for efficiency, effectiveness and satisfaction of your creative soul, and will yourself to get back to work, hoping to cross the finish line with a finished and satisfactory manuscript.
Let's not forget that while all that is happening, you evolve as a person. The change may not be immediate and obvious to notice, but voluntarily working on a creative journey seems to affect your human transformation.
So, setbacks and heartbreaks are not obstacles on our creative journey but a necessary part of it. Our job is to first realise that the meandering, not the linear path, is the way to achieving our writing dreams and second that we should go down that road prancing.
How To Use Setbacks And Heartbreaks As A Way To Refine Your Writing Goals?
Acknowledge your feelings. It's normal to feel disappointed, frustrated, or even devastated when facing setbacks. Allow yourself to experience these emotions without judgment.
Take a break. Doing so will provide you with two benefits. First, it'll give you some time and space to process your emotions. Second, it can provide clarity and help you return to your work with a fresh perspective.
Reflect on the experience. Taking a break also gives you time to reflect on what happened. It can be very helpful to find the root cause of the setback, the emotions it stirred, and the factors that may have contributed to it. Knowing this, you can then think of solutions. Journaling can be a helpful tool for reflecting and organising your thoughts and feelings.
Identify patterns. Reflecting on your setbacks and heartbreaks, you'll find inevitable patterns that lead to such results. My repeating pattern was stuffing my plate with projects and tasks without allocating the time needed to complete them. No wonder I failed to finish them again and again. Identifying patterns can help you address underlying problems and make more informed decisions moving forward.
Seek feedback. Reach out to trusted writing peers, mentors, or beta readers for feedback on your work. They can provide valuable insights and perspectives that you might have missed, while constructive criticism can highlight areas for improvement.
Evaluate your process. Now that you have reflected on the issue at hand found patterns of negative returns, and received supportive feedback, determine if there are aspects of your process that need adjustment, refinement, or complete deletion based on the setbacks you've encountered.
Consider external factors. Sometimes, something happens that is not in your control but affects your writing process and results. This could include time constraints, personal challenges, health challenges, system/societal changes or unforeseen circumstances. Understanding these factors can help you first be compassionate towards yourself and then plan more effectively in the future.
Reevaluate your goals and expectations. Ensure that they are realistic and achievable within the given time frame and your writing capability. Setting manageable goals can reduce the likelihood of setbacks caused by unattainable expectations.
Adapt and pivot. Be open to change and adaptation. If a particular approach or project isn't working, be willing to pivot. This flexibility allows you to explore new ideas, genres, or writing styles that better suit your strengths.
Embrace failure, setbacks, and heartbreaks as a sign of the Creative Gods redirecting you towards your North Star. This is a challenging mindset to adopt, but if you can embrace the lessons that come with these challenges, they can ultimately contribute to your development as a writer and to the achievement of your writing goals.
Celebrate your successes, big and small. Again, this is a challenging mindset to adopt, but learn to acknowledge and celebrate both major and minor successes. Recognising your achievements, no matter how small, can help build confidence and motivation. This positive reinforcement can counterbalance the impact of setbacks.
Remember, writing is a lifelong journey. Don't let the low you are feeling at the moment make you think that all your writing life will be this punishing. Take a bird's-eye view and see how far you have come along your writing journey and who you have become. Use that as proof and motivation that you will eventually figure out some way of reaching your writing goals.
My book for writers, Soul Writer vs. Social Writer, is out now!
Excellent advice as usual, Rubina.