No, You Don't Need To Remember Every Lesson From All The Self-Help Books You Read.
The Great Ones Will Stick To You Like Velcro.
Author’s Note:
Subscribe to my Substack publication and I’ll send you a link to the PDF called A Writer’s Mental Toolbox To Enjoy Every Writing Session.
When I started snorkelling in the Self-Help waters last year, one piece of advice that every self-help writer and reader was throwing at me was to put into action what I was learning from these books.
On the surface, it made sense to me, but very quickly, I realised how unsustainable it was.
I was reading 4 books per month, and each provided me with exercises and advice that I had to do if I wanted to become a success. I also know from experience that it takes me 3 months to get used to a new habit or way of doing something and at least a year to fall in love with this new way of being.
So by the time I was finishing one book and trying to apply it to my life, I was moving on to reading another self-help book. This made me end up with too many new habits to try out at once, and none of them worked. And if I didn't end up doing what the book suggested I should do to improve my life, I felt like a failure.
It was sometime later in the year when I realised how masculine energy this thought process was.
Instead of the book letting me teach what's best for me, I was trying to force myself into its mould.
When this realisation hit me, I let go of trying to squeeze every lesson I could from every book I read. I surrendered myself to the book to ignite my curiosity.
Switching to this feminine energy of receiving, I learned and retained the lessons I needed the most at that moment.
For example, from Mark Manson's The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck, I learned about shit sandwich and pain with purpose.
Life is shitty and painful; no question about that. But we can make it work in our favour by choosing what's worth the shit and pain for us individually.
In my case, at the time of reading the book, it was about trying to pave my own path as a writer than going the traditional, well-trodden way paved by society. Both approaches are shitty and painful, so I should choose a path that I find worthy enough to up in my blood, sweat and tears.
From Jeff Goins' You are a Writer, I learned that I have to just write. Nothing else matters - the branding, marketing, ideal readers - if I don't write.
From Robert Greene's The Laws Of Human Nature, I learned that humans are complicated and messy; they are nothing they look like on the outside. And it's best not to take anything personally. Including myself!
I don't need an app to remind me daily of these lessons. I don't need to purposefully be aware of putting these lessons into action.
Since these are lessons my soul needs, it reminds me of them whenever the situation arises. I don't need to force it to happen or become a part of my life. They are gradually becoming a part of my personality effortlessly.
So no, you don't need to remember every lesson from all the self-help books you read.
The great ones will stick to you like Velcro.
