Life Can Only Be Understood Backwards; But It Must Be Lived Forwards
A Life-Altering Revelation I Had Recently
Author Note:
I am taking a break for the whole month of March. I need time and space to breathe and then organise my thoughts to give you more value.
Rubina’s Bojra is going on a sabbatical from Sunday, February 27th 2022.
And will be back on Monday, April 4th 2022.
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
- Soren Kierkegaard
In our day-to-day life, we are so busy tackling the present, ruminating over the past and worrying about the future that we miss out on one crucial fact.
A simple act or incident in your day today has the power to change the trajectory of your life.
I was reminded of this fact last month when, while cleaning her wardrobe, my mother found my 7th-grade report card.
It's funny that out of all the 14 report cards I could have saved, somehow this one made the cut; I didn't consciously keep it. And mind you, we have shifted cities, and I threw out most of my stuff. And yet, the 7th-grade report card made it through.
It was the year 2007 when I was in 7th grade.
As I wondered about this card, I started meditating on that year.
I brought to mind all the ups and downs I had gone through. I tried to remember all the happy and sad moments. And as I did that, I had circuits fire up in my brain and saw bulbs light up.
It was only in retrospection that I realised that 2007/7th grade was a pivotal year for me.
This was the year when I turned from an irresponsible student to a responsible one.
This was the year I got the practice of being alone.
This was the year when I started becoming a woman and was not a girl anymore.
This was the year I learnt what the world looks like without the rose-tinted glasses of childhood.
This was the year I found the purpose of my life.
This was the year I experienced the magic of miracles.
And that the appearance of this report card is not a coincidence. It was Nature's way of reminding me this is the year the trajectory of my life changed.
Would you like to know how my life changed that year?
Let me take you a little deeper into my 7th grade. You might want to sit down with some drink of your choice.
The Year Where I Turned From A Irresponsible Student To A Responsible One
The ball started rolling in the previous year. But, it was in 2007 that I fully committed myself to making sure I gave my all to my education. I removed all distractions - tv, shallow friendships, triggering classmates - and studied hard.
Because of 2007, I now know how to dive deep in studying and learning.
This Was The Year I Got The Practice Of Being Alone
This was when my only two best friends of seven years left the school. This meant that I was on my own the whole of 7th grade. I tried to join the other groups in my class. But they either completely rejected me or politely pushed me away.
This lesson came in handy during college, where I stood on my own, and presently where I prefer to be on my own for my nature and vocation calls for it.
Now I don't let others push me away. I make the calls as to who can enter my life.
The Year Where I Started The Process Of Becoming A Woman And Was Not A Girl Anymore
October 14th, 2007.
It was Sunday noon. My granny and I watched the Bollywood ensemble Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham... (Sometimes there is joy, sometimes there is sorrow...)
Suddenly I have the urge to visit the bathroom.
And BOOM! I got my periods.
Ah! The irony!
The Year I Learnt What The World Looks Like Without Rose-Tinted Glasses Of Childhood
This one comes in two folds.
Fold one - The first and only time I was bullied.
There was this girl who, with her minions, tried to make my life hell. I don't even remember what she used to say to me, but it was mean and hurtful. I would end up crying on my way back home. My mother's advice for me was to ignore them. But no matter how much I tried that, they never seemed to stop. But I was persistent in not reacting to whatever she said. I think it was because of this practice that I stood up for myself and replied back to her one day. That is when she finally left me alone.
Fold two - my final Maths results
By the end of 7th grade, I became a confident student. I knew the hard work I had put in, and I had an idea of how much I would gain in terms of marks.
Maths, like many of you, was my least favourite subject. The only aspect of that subject I enjoyed was Algebra (which, mind you, I now remember nothing of).
After finishing up the final exam, to my calculation, I was supposed to get 88/100. But since I am human and Maths is tricky, I knew I should get at least 80.
I was, and still am, very confident of this.
Do you know what my Maths teacher gave me? 50!
No way in the universe I could have got 50. I brought it up with her during the parent-teacher meeting and requested her to re-evaluate the paper. She smirked and replied that she wouldn't because her calculations were never wrong.
I know I shouldn't be saying this, but - THAT B*CTH!
I could see on her face that she knew I was correct. But for some reason, which I'll never know nor need to know anymore, she gave me that score.
Lessons learnt here?
One - People can and will be mean to you in real life.
Two - The education system and its flame bearers are humans/formed by humans and therefore corruptible.
The Year I Found The Purpose Of My Life
7th grade is also the year I found Books and Agatha Christie.
If nothing else, this one incident definitely changed my life and helped me reach where I am today.
I am thankful that I found books and fell in love with reading. It saved my life.
This was also the year when I had the first thought of publishing a book. I wondered how my school would feel proud of me when they knew their student was a published author.
Well, it wasn't until seven years later when, thanks to another Agatha Christie book, I decided that I wanted to become a writer.
And it took me another seven years to actually get writing.
The Year I Experienced The Magic Of Miracles
I have two examples here.
The first was when I lost my science textbook and notebook.
It was around the same time as the bullying. It was a Friday, and Monday was our Science exam. I remember I had my textbook and notebook in my bag because I had a doubt that needed clarification.
But when the class started, I couldn't find the book in my bag. I was scared and crying and almost fainting. And I knew I had it in my bag because I kept it. The whole class was searched but in vain. Then my science teacher gave me her textbook for the weekend.
Now here's the miracle part.
I found the book, at home, on my bookshelf. Now you could say I might have forgotten the book, maybe I had made a mistake. To that, I will say no. I remember marking the page with the notebook and keeping it in the bag. How did it find its way back home? I don't know.
The second was regarding tuition money.
During those days, we were not financially comfortable. We were tight on our finances, and my mother didn't have the monthly amount for my evening tuition.
One evening, as we walk to my class, we find money lying on the road. My mum picked it up, and upon inspection, she found the exact amount I needed.
She gave me the money and said, "Jesus sent this."
Since then, I have had subtle but strong experiences of miracles, and therefore, I believe in it.
Now you might ask me what's the point of this LONG essay.
Well, it's this -
A simple act or incident in your day today has the power to change the trajectory of your life.
At present, you may or may not like what's happening. Or you may not understand its importance. But when you look back, you'll be glad it happened anyway.
This one year was the ingredients to the dish I am today.
I was supposed to become a good student because, in the future, most of my learning is self-teaching.
I was supposed to be alone, lonely and feel left out, which trained me to be content with my own company.
The process of becoming a woman? It was to learn to become friends with my body and its ever-evolving nature.
Removing the rose-tinted glasses, I see the world as it is and do not assume anything.
I was supposed to fall in love with books and writing because that's my compass for the life I want to live.
And miracles? Well, it doesn't hurt to believe in some magic and believe that you're loved and cared for.
So no matter how small or trivial or triggering a situation might be, always remember it can change your life.
