Feeling Scared And Nervous About The Book You Are Writing? - It's Because You Care.
Don't let the fear of losing be greater than the excitement of winning.
Upcoming episode on Becoming A Writer podcast this Saturday — we are going to talk about taking care of our inner creative well to enjoy a thriving writing life.
Don't let the fear of losing be greater
than the excitement of winning.
- Robert Kiyosaki
Back in December 2022, I was on my bedroom floor with my year's reflection scattered around me. I was in the middle of reviewing my year and planning my 2023. And I knew it was time to level up my writing career.
That is when I got inspired to publish Bojra - April 2023. It would be a collection of essays and short stories I wrote from January to April of that year, which I would then compile into an ebook.
Now, as excited as I was to finally publish a real book, I was scared and nervous, too. Naturally, I felt the high and the low of the prospect of having a book published because I had never published one before. And I was going to do it all on my own, so no wonder I had my heart in my throat.
As I was working through my nervousness and working on the production and post-production of this book, I found myself asking, "Why am I scared?"
Well, of course, I didn't want to screw up the publication of my first book. But as I pondered on this question, I found a more profound answer. I was scared and nervous about my book because I cared. I cared about the book, and I cared about the readers who would end up reading it.
This realisation made me flip my nervousness to a renewed sense of care and self-encouragement.
Why Does Feeling Scared About Your Book Mean You Care About It?
Time and effort invested. You've dedicated a significant amount of your time and effort to your book, and the fear stems from the importance of this investment. You don't want it to go to waste or find your book get lost in oblivion.
Emotional investment. No matter how rational you stay, there will be a part of your heart that's attached to your book. You can become emotionally attached to your characters, plot, the theme of the book (be it a novel or a non-fiction book), and even to your process of writing it and the things you had to go through to make this book happen. This emotional investment can make you anxious about how it will be received.
Sharing your vulnerability. Many of us write because we are or were not able to speak our thoughts and emotions. Now, writing them out makes us feel light and safe, but when it's time to share them with the readers, we fear judgment - the reason why we couldn't speak up in the first place. But we also know that in sharing our vulnerabilities - our aches and pains, our hopes and desires for something better, our mistakes and failures - we help our readers know that they are not alone. Therefore turning vulnerabilities into hope for ourselves and our readers.
High expectations. Every writer wants their book to be successful. But not every writer gets that wish fulfilled all the time. So, having high expectations for your book and basing your level of happiness on it is bound to make you fall flat on your face sometimes. Instead, have hopes and best wishes for your book, and find happiness in the process of writing the book. Let the book fulfil whatever its destiny is.
Your identity and self-worth. We all make the mistake of tying our identity and self-worth to our book as if it is the job of the book we have written to tell us who we are. This is why if the book fails, we take it as we are a failure. But that is not the case. In the opposite case, if the book is a success, we believe it's because of us. That is not the case either. Our identity and self-worth come from the act of writing and in giving our book the space to grow into its own. You and your book are two separate entities and, therefore, have individual identities and worth. You don't define each other but you do help each other up.
Impact on readers. You care about how the book will be received by the readers and fear that it may not have the desired effect. Why do you worry about this? Because you don't want to waste your readers' time and you hope to establish a connection with them, just like you have with your favourite authors. You wrote this book to educate or entertain your readers, and failing to do so scares you.
Fear of criticism. No writer has ever not got a bad review or feedback. So, having this fear is natural. While healthy and constructive criticism is helpful, you fear heartless criticism that could crush your writer soul and the soul of your book. You care about your creativity and your book, which is why you are scared of criticism.
Balancing commercial and artistic goals. If you have financial aspirations for your book while maintaining artistic integrity, the fear comes from the challenge of finding the right balance. You don't want to sell your soul to the devil, but at the same time, you have to compromise in some ways to make your writing career financially successful. And that's a tricky place to be in because money is not why we write, but money is required to keep writing.
How To Feel The Scare And Nervousness, And Write Your Book Anyway?
Have realistic expectations. The success stories we hear are maybe the top 1-2% of the cases. The rest of the success happens over time, and they compound. So don't think that this book you're currently writing will make or break your career. It will only if you make it so. The more important goal to have is not to stop writing and not to stop trying your best to give it the life it deserves.
Embrace imperfections. Imperfections are natural. Having everything perfect actually feels odd and off. Know your work will not be pristine. There will always be something that can be changed or improved. That does mean that's what you need to do or is required. You want to bring your book as close to perfect as you can and then leave it there. You'll know it in your heart when it's ready.
Look for and visualise success. We have enough examples and limiting thoughts to believe that our book and we won't see success. Why demotivate yourself by doing so? Instead, look for writers who are doing what you wish to do and are successful. Use that to envision your success.
Educate yourself. And while you are looking at writers who are successful in the way you want success for yourself and your books, learn from them. Learn about the publishing industry, marketing strategies, and the experiences of other authors. Knowledge can demystify the process and alleviate fear.
Create a safe space for your writer self. It is said that a horse can sense if their rider is nervous, and that makes the horse anxious as well. Horses are sensitive beings and rely heavily on non-verbal communication and are attuned to the physical and emotional states of those around them, including their riders. Therefore, riders need to remain as calm and relaxed as possible to foster a positive and confident environment for their horse. The same applies to you and your writer self. If you want your writer self to write, you need to relax your fear. Give the stability and encouragement your writer self needs in order to write freely, fearlessly and forever.
Focus on the process, not the outcome. Going through the process of writing your book and enjoying it is where you find lessons, fulfilment and joy. The outcome is a bonus. If you're unquestioningly focused on the outcome, you won't learn to become the writer who can recreate the desired outcome. And anyway, if you follow the process, the outcome is inevitable.
Celebrate small wins. After I published my ebook, I took myself out for a coffee date. This was my way of treating my writer self for working so hard on this book. Acknowledge and celebrate each milestone, no matter how small. Recognising your progress as a writer boosts confidence and motivation.
Remember your Why. Why did you step into this writing journey? Why are you writing this book? Why should your readers read this book? You are doing this because you felt called to write this book. This book is helping you express your thoughts and feelings, and when it'll be read it will help the readers process their thoughts and feelings. That is why you have to feel scared and nervous and then write your book anyway.
My book for writers, Soul Writer vs. Social Writer, is out now!