Day 10: I Am Feeling Unwell But I Don’t Mind It Because I Know My Body Is Fighting My Emotional Infection
Follow along my Ship 30 for 30 journey as I learn what it means to be a writer in this digital age.
When my oracle cards told me that August would be a pivotal month, I assumed it was talking about Ship 30 for 30. I knew Ship 30 for 30 had the potential to help me enter the next phase of my writing career.
I didn't know that while I am enjoying Ship 30 for 30 and the friends I am making here, my personal life will take a hit.
I was in an emotionally low place for a month, and the last 12 days broke my heart.
Then on Saturday, I met my best friend for coffee. Our conversation made us realise how much emotional trauma is still trapped inside our body, mind and soul. We have such deep conversations every time we meet, but this time it felt different.
Later, at bedtime, I felt a deep yearning for Teddy, my first teddy bear soft toy. I have him on my bookshelf, so I brought him down and held him close to my heart.
Within moments, I started crying. And I unconsciously started chanting, "I am sorry."
This went on for about 30 minutes. During that time, I understood that I was asking forgiveness from the child inside me - the Little Rubina.
When I was a child, the adults in my life, consciously or unconsciously, emotionally abandoned me. But when I turned into an adult, I shouldn't have abandoned the child in me. I didn't even know I had an inner child - the Little Rubina - who was always laughing, smiling, and excited about everything in life - who needed me. But the conversation with my friend reminded me of her. And I realised that she's still abandoned. She still doesn't have anyone to take care of her emotional needs, to hug her.
I can see her right now. She's alone, but she's still smiling at me. And in trying to keep up with the adults, society and adulting, I completely forgot about her. She looks so happy seeing that I finally noticed her. And she's so forgiving for not noticing her for this long.
I now know that I'll do anything to make her happy. Anything. She's the only one I care about.
For the past two days, I have been exhausted. I can feel the physical manifestation of my body fighting my emotional infection. So I plan to be kind and gentle with myself as my body, mind, and soul purify.
That's what Little Rubina and I need right now.
❤️❤️